The Sauna that Changed my Life.

This isn't an easy topic for me to write about. Admittedly so, after reading, you'll probably know more about my flaws than I'd like. But growth derives from vulnerability and I can assure you that there has there been a lot of growing for me in the past couple of months.

I haven't written much because I haven't had much to write about. I haven't really felt motivated, I haven't really felt inspired, and I certainly haven't felt worthy of trying to help other people find perspective on things. Admittedly so, I've totally lost perspective on things. I think it is okay to admit that 2019 hasn't been the smoothest year. The details, they don't really matter. And honestly speaking, I'm a little bit embarrassed to admit what has caused me to struggle so much recently. Embarrassment, of course, comes from comparison and I think that when we begin to compare our problems to others, we don't take them for what they are worth. We either:

1. Think they are much less worse than the problems that others are dealing with and therefore keep them to ourselves out of embarrassment.

OR

2. Think they are weighing us down so much, that it would be a burden to invite someone in and share the weight because the guilt of weighing other people down causes us to battle alone.

I think that everyone has felt the struggle of both situations and I also feel that both situations couldn't be more wrong. It is okay to struggle. It is okay to not be okay. And it is okay to admit and seek out others for support.

As I said, the details of my struggles are not what is important in this particular story. What I can assure you is this: This year has been a struggle. I haven't handled it very gracefully. I tried to handle a lot of it on my own. And it spiraled into a continuous downward whirlwind. The cycle looked something like this:

I'd be frustrated about a circumstance. Some were big, some were so small. I held onto that frustration and became so short tempered, so negative and so frustrated with EVERY THING that all I could see was negativity. The SMALLEST things would trigger me. And then I became so disgusted with how easily I was triggered and how I reacted that I became disgusted with myself. I knew that this wasn't a person that I was proud of.

I wasn't being a person that I'd want to be around. It wasn't even a person that I liked. And so I began to get so frustrated with myself that I'd go to bed mad about the way I acted. I woke up mad about the person I was becoming. And it was just a matter of time before I picked a circumstance to trigger the whole process again.

In other words, I REACTED to a circumstance in my life. And I was so DISGUSTED with my negative reactions that I REACTED negatively to myself.....and it just went on and on and on.

It's funny though. God seems to put people in your life at the right time. He seems to know EXACTLY what you need EXACTLY when you need it. To say that I haven't experienced blessings this year would be a vast misstatement. I just needed a GUT CHECK to see the blessings.

I knew that very basis of my problem:

1. I needed to be more obedient in my faith

2. I needed to be more confident.

The first problem has a simple solution but a horribly difficult process. I needed to step down as the controller of my circumstances and give it to God.

Anyone that knows anything about me knows that problem number 2, for me, starts in the gym.

And so I stopped making excuses. Stopped throwing a pity party. And started making a commitment. and God lead me to the wildest place: A Sauna.

A Sauna?

Yes. A SAUNA.

I began to start every morning with a workout. Like any person jumping into exercising again, the first one was nice and light. About 8 workouts in, I was introduced to a sauna. I've been in a sauna before and I CANNOT STAND THEM. I hate being hot. I hate being sweaty. And I hate not feeling like I am able to breathe. So naturally, the last place you'd find me in is a sauna. The first time I went into the sauna alone, I just started praying. That wasn't my expectation. Admittedly so, I was just praying to give me the strength to stay in there for my goal of 5 minutes without dying. But I figured the only thing that would keep me in the sauna without bailing early was to talk to God. and so I did.

5 minutes turned into 10. and 10 into 15. and 15 turned to 18. But I think that's my max! The funny thing is, my time in the sauna is the time I look forward to most every day. I go to the gym now SO I an go into the sauna.

Anyone that knows me will tell you that I love analogies. I love seeing a situation and connecting it to some totally, unrelated, other situation. It's how I see things, it's how I teach things, and It's just how I grow.

Each second that I spend in the sauna, I spend talking to God. I actually, quite literally, pray that every drop of sweat that leaves my body is negativity. It is bad fruit. I pray for each drop of sweat to be filled with negativity, hate, frustration, jealousy, short-temperedness, offensiveness, conceitedness, disobedience, impulsiveness, discourteousness, etc. I pray that every drop that leaves my body leaves room for God to refill my spirit with positivity, kindness, forgiveness, generosity, compassion, understanding, etc. I leave that sauna with (literally, in my opinion) a pile of negativity sitting at my feet and enter the day with a renewed spirit.

It changed my life.

Don't get me wrong...Life is still not easy. Circumstances are still not perfect. But I have quite literally prayed for a new spirit, new perspective, and new Controller of my life.

I'm embarrassed to admit some of the things that would actually (and sometimes still do until I conscientiously decide to choose positivity) ruin my day. But as of recently, I've decided to make a gut check every time that I feel the urge to get mad.

For example:

-When my alarm goes off earlier than I want it to, I remember that some people don't have the ability to hear

-When my clothes fit a little too tight, I remember that I haven't missed a meal in my whole life.

-When it comes time to pay my bills, I remember that I have a roof over my head, groceries in the fridge and a car in the driveway.

-When I don't close a sale at work, I remember that I have a job, one that I've worked really hard for.

-When I unexpectedly have to put 4 new tires on my car, I remembered that I have a ride to wherever I need to go.

-When someone is on a machine that I need to use in order to do the workout that I planned, I remember that I have enough health to walk into a gym and do a workout every day.

-When my parents have tough conversations about my life, I remember that I have TWO parents that are involved enough in my life and care enough to have tough conversations.

-When there is a 114 degree heat index, I remember that I didn't just get crushed by a life-altering natural disaster.

-When laundry gets so piled up, I remember that I'm surrounded by people that I love.

-When I get woken up at 2am to dogs barking, I remember that I am protected.

-When the dishes get piled up in the sink, I remember that I've had a home cooked meal recently.

-When I get a bad sun burn, I remember that I had a beach day surrounded by friends and family.

-When I wake up in a mood, I remember that I woke up today.

You see, life wasn't a struggle because of the things that happened. The things that frustrated me in the last 9 months are still the same things that happen to me today.

The problem was not circumstances.

The problem was not other people.

The problem was me.

It was my spirit. It was my perspective. It was my reactions. It was my unwillingness to surrender my problems to God. It was my stubbornness convincing me to battle alone.

Sometimes, we are so engulfed in negativity, we fail to see the positive side of things. I know that I STILL have room to improve in this area of my life.

I don't know if you need a reset. But I did. I don't know what your "reset" will be. Mine happened to be a sauna. I hope you find your sauna. Because mine was a game-changer.