I met my younger self for coffee....

She was 5 minutes early.

I was 10 minutes early, excited to talk to her.

She doesn’t drink coffee but ordered a blueberry muffin and a water.

I ordered a black coffee with avocado toast.

She was dressed in sweats with no makeup on after basketball practice, looking rushed but tired.

I was dressed professionally, stylish, looking calm and well-rested.

She looked at me surprised….commented on my outfit and said she liked it a lot.

I thanked her and said, “Me too,

I finally grew the confidence to love us”

Her head and heart looked heavy, and I asked her what was on her mind.

She said she was struggling to choose a college to play at, she admitted she was likely over-thinking it.

I giggled and grabbed her hand and said, “I still overthink everything. But you’ll soon learn that’s a strength of ours.”

She asked me “but what if I make the wrong decision.”

I re-assured her, “no decision you’ll make will be the wrong one, because you can always change your mind and I promise, we ended up just fine.”

She asked if we were just fine or if we were happy.

I looked at her, as tears filled my eyes, realizing that even my younger self never had the desire to settle for ‘just fine’

I wanted to quickly say that we were happy, but I couldn’t spit out the words. Instead I hesitated, being thoughtful about what I would say next.

She was quiet, I could see her leg shake under the table, trying to be patient for my answer.

I told her we’re in a tough season right now. It wasn’t quite happy but it was peaceful. But the desire to never settle is still one of the greatest qualities that we have, and I was confident that happiness was nearby and reminded her to focus on enjoying the journey.

She asked why I didn’t just lie and say that we were happy so she would feel better.

I told her that I’m learning it’s better to be honest with people, then to tell them what they want to hear.

She asked what college we were coaching at.

I smiled and confidently said, we’re not. We own our own business now.

She was surprised, but impressed, and said “wow, so a lot has changed.”

And I giggled at her and said “you have no idea!”

She asked if life has gotten any easier.

I told her, it’s anything but easy but its beautiful and so worth it.

She expressed her fear of failure, of heartbreak, and living an empty life.

I didn’t sugarcoat it. I said we’ve failed many times, we’re currently a little heartbroken, but we’ve lived anything but an empty life.

She asked me what she needs to focus on, yearning for mentorship.

I told her love yourself deeply, chase your dreams passionately, never settle, invest in relationships, go make memories, and keep serving others....everything else will take care of itself.

She looked at me and said "I just want you to be proud of me."

I got up to hug her and told her I was so proud of her & admitted, "I just want to be somebody you can look up to."

~APC